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Saving Marriage

How to rekindle the spark after having a baby

How to rekindle the spark after having a baby

“For me, the spark has always been in togetherness” ~ Mitul & Nisha

Mitul is my amazing brother-in-law who feels more like a friend and a real brother. My sister Nisha and Mitul had a delightful baby boy 2 years ago, and on asking what has kept the newness alive in their relationship, he tells me with sparkle and excitement in his voice, “I actually feel that the spark in our relationship has doubled after having Dev (their son)!

Now we are spending more time as a family. We all play together, eat together, go for long walks! I support my wife (Nisha) in helping bathe the baby, feeding him on time.

I feel good that I am helping my wife more than before. I think that’s one thing that keeps our relationship fresh- we support each other in everything that we are doing.

One very specific thing we did was- we got a fantastic family photoshoot done with 3 of us to capture these memories forever. So indulging in such small, yet impactful activities where you see all 3 individuals as 1 unit- it helps!”

 

 

The adorable 3 – Nisha, Mitul, and Dev (the kiddo) in the photoshoot!

 

“Appreciate that marriage isn’t about equality, it’s about symbiosis” ~ Sridhar and Shilpa, Founders, iEnabler

I met Sridhar and Shilpa last year in Bangalore, and their sizzling chemistry even after a grown-up Shagun was evident. Sridhar shares, “Once you have a child, make sure you celebrate the differences with your partner. I like old melodious song, but my wife likes the loud, fast beat and hip music. I just laugh over it.

When she is not around, I try to do things that she does. Be in places where she is. When I do this, I understand her perspectives better. Something moves inside me for her, and in those moments, the respect grows, heart melts! What better spark than increasing respect for each other?”

 

 

 

 

He adds, “I would also suggest, please LISTEN to your partner. Many times the subject they choose might not interest you, but just give them an ear.

There’s one more thing that happened to me. I suddenly could relate to all that my mother did for me when I was a child. So I see Shilpa now more in the role of a mother, the dynamics of the relationship then changes to something more beautiful and pure.“

Dr. Dhruv, a psychiatrist from Gujarat, tells me about a very essential fact- something that most soon-to-become parents forget. “Parents need to be aware that special efforts WILL be required and it has to be made like a rule. Most couples just take it as it comes. There’s no plan to ‘rekindle’ the spark as such. So planning in advance about how you are going to keep your relationship strong can hold tremendous value.

For example, know that caring for a kid will be exhausting, and it will cause irritability. And the closest possible option to throw anger would be the partner. So make a rule that whatever happens, the object of your anger isn’t your partner. They would be stressed as well!”

 

“Life isn’t the same for us now!” ~ Reshna and Shree

 

 

Reshna and Shree with their son Adi

 

“It’s been 6 weeks now since Adi was born, and so much has changed,” says Reshna.

“Prior to his birth, my husband and I would find happiness and thrill in traveling, trying different cuisines, cooking new recipes, watching movies- but now everything is inexplicably different!

So I think the partners should understand that things are going to change. The way you spend time with each other won’t be the same! So to ensure that we maintain the spark, we do the following things

  • We make a conscious effort to spend quality time together. Usually, in the evening when Adi is asleep and when my husband is done with his work, we sit together and talk about our day. It’s a very simple act, no need to do overly exaggerated things for each other.
  • Give ourselves some alone time. As much as I love spending time with my son, I need some ‘me’ time as well.. so I take those few moments to be with myself when my husband takes care of the child. It refreshes me!
  • Any time we have a fight, we ensure that we makeup soon after and not keep grudges. I can’t stress the fact of how essential this is.

As a psychologist who has seen many parents struggle with the sudden changes that the arrival of a child brings in their lives, Mayurika Biswas says, “Here’s one tip for men. Know that a woman’s body isn’t going to be the same after the baby.

So steer clear of saying anything about her body, lest you kill her sexuality. It’s a fact that her breasts will sag, her stomach will sag for a while. And unless you are a celebrity who has access to the world’s top-class nutritionists, fitness trainers, and doctors- the body coming back to shape will take its time.

So please do something to make her feel attractive. It’s not about an elaborate bubble bath – tiny gestures of stroking each other’s hair, singing a song for each other- you know these small things can reignite that love!“

Is there something you did to reignite the spark? Let us know in the comments below!

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