Struggling to keep your home vibes happy and cheerful when going through a divorce?
Worry not, we did a Q&A with Dr.Chinmay Kulkarni, a psychiatrist from Mumbai and he has some really insightful advice for you.
Often divorce happens after a lot of bitterness in the marriage. Character assassinations & false cases often follow. Due to this, partners don’t make rational decisions. If the communication focuses on the issues at hand and not what happened years or months ago then there is a possibility of better communication.
Focus more on the present and future. Feelings of hatred, resentment, betrayal, anger etc. harm them more than others. If they have frequent sadness, hopelessness, helplessness, regret, guilt, crying spells, sleep disturbances, lack of pleasure, trouble in concentration, suicidal ideas then they should consult a psychiatrist and take professional help.
A lot of people going through divorce suffer from the symptoms of depression or anxiety. Doesn’t mean you are mentally weak. It is always better to seek professional help for depression than to suffer in silence. There are biological factors involved in mental disorders and so it is advised to consult a psychiatrist for that.
Children learn more from observation of parent’s behavior and less from what parents tell them. So there are a few things:
It is better if the parents resolve their differences in the absence of their children. I would strictly advise to not call names or blame each other like ‘your father is a liar characters loser’ or ‘your mother is an insensitive troublemaker’ etc in front of the children. Parents should understand the child’s need for a parent and so should not force his/her opinion about their spouse on the child. In fact, smile more in front of them and help them feel comfortable.
Parents should support their child emotionally & financially. Often parents might blame their son/daughter for their failed marriage. So parents should try to resolve the differences between themselves but if it is not possible then they should move on.
Make sure your children are exposed to this change gradually. If there is a sudden change in a child’s life then it may have a worse impact on him/her.
This rule is not only for parents going through a divorce; it is for all the parents. And the rule is that parents shouldn’t come in pairs. Couples would usually not fight, yell in front of guests. Similarly, they should solve their problems privately. For children, parents should be one unit.