Broken expectations, unmet love, and whirlpools of loneliness: Leaving a marriage comes with a lot of pain. But if you are in a challenging and tumultuous marriage, here are a few reasons you should feel glad when leaving a marriage behind. Yes, you read it right: Glad. Yes, there can be sparks of happiness in the worst of moments helping you evolve and grow.
The worst thing that can happen in any relationship is “explanations”. You can be on either end: giving explanations or demanding an explanation for other’s actions. Explanations can only result in subsequent fights leaving you more drained, tired and weak. It’s a vicious circle. Say good-bye.
“If you can’t understand it without an explanation, you can’t understand it with an explanation.”― Haruki Murakami
When your relationship is in turmoil, you might feel that you’re not liked. Or feel unworthy of the other person. This can cause massive self-destruction and self-judgment. Which if not stopped at the right time can make you reel in such feelings of “I-am-not-good-at-all”.
This won’t be good for either you or for the people around you. This is the correct time to pause and move on so that you can reclaim your life for the better.
“The most important freedom is freedom from your own self-judgment.”― Vironika Tugaleva
Do you feel you are the one who is always giving up things to mend your relationship? Is your marriage only a one-sided affair? Are all the sacrificial moments giving you pain and suffering and keeping you clogged?
Then it’s time to take the decision to move on. You can only keep a relationship united when both the parties sacrifice. If it’s a one-way wind, it’ll be a drag for both of you involved in the marriage.
Though having fights can teach you a lot and help you remove all the suffocated junk you’ve accumulated, it’s a serious matter if you’re fighting too much. Fights, even on small petty things, can take up a lot of your mental energy and time. It’s time to move on if you can’t agree on the smallest of things.
If you’re in a relationship where emotional or physical abuse is an everyday affair, you need to think: Is this the life you want to live? Is this the life you imagined you would have with your partner? Do you live in fear the whole day of the next abuse that’s going to hit you?
If you have forgotten, let us remind you that an abuse-free life is liberating. Leaving the marriage will help you feel free, loved and accepted.
Feel the other has ruined your happy time? Destroyed your life? Worsened your moods? Do you find blaming each other often and sucking the life out of each other!? Blaming happens when there’s no responsibility. A relationship where there’s no ownership is better separated.
“Blame doesn’t empower you. It keeps you stuck in a place you don’t want to be.”- Shannon L. Alder
When there’s no love, the passion to keep the relationship alive is hard to come by. You might expect the partner to be the same as when you were dating. Things change. And many of them not in favor. You get angry on small things, have passive conversations and always feel the other “never” does “anything”. Then it’s time you contemplate and be happy about leaving the marriage behind.
In the rut of life, partners can forget giving importance to each other. Work and personal tasks can take priority. You might be giving the other person hints about spending more time with you, appreciating you and noticing you. But your efforts are in vain, and you are clueless about what else to do. If you are not the priority, then you need to rethink about your marriage.
The bottom line is – a marriage should make you feel loved, happy and belonged to. It should make you content and help you evolve. The differences must make you stronger and more vibrant. If this is not happening, it’s best to analyze what’s going wrong and how you can fix it. A visit to a counselor? Reading books? Doing some togetherness-workshops? If you find they aren’t working too and you keep feeling worse about yourself, then it’s time to move on.
And be glad about it.