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Remarriage

7 Simple ways to bond better with your stepchild

7 Simple ways to bond better with your stepchild

In the story of Cinderella, which other character is just as memorable as the dainty and beautiful Cinderella herself? It’s the ugly and wrecked stepmother. Isn’t it? Thanks to our pop culture and Eastman color Bollywood movies, the relationship between a step-parent and a stepchild is often viewed as strained, exploitative and largely negative. Is it any wonder then that most individuals looking to remarry often tend to seek partners with no kids from a previous marriage/s?

Dealing with stepchildren is not as tedious or negative as our movies make it out to be. It’s entirely possible to develop a healthy and nurturing relationship with a stepchild. It’s not easy, but it’s most certainly not impossible.

Firstly let’s address some concerns that most individuals tend to have when it comes to stepchildren.

  • They will never accept you as their own parent
  • They will never obey you
  • You will be disliked for occupying a place that belonged to their biological parent
  • They will be jealous of the growing intimacy between their parent and you
  • They will be an unnecessary burden on you
  • While all these concerns are real and valid, here are some easy-to-follow steps that will allow you to bond better with your stepchild and maintain a great relationship with them.

 

Deal with it one step at a time

With a gradual, patient and step by step approach bonding with anyone including a stepchild should not be a problem. You must not pressure yourself or them to accept the new family, tolerate the inconveniences of living with new people and sacrificing their interests for the larger goal from day one. We all take time to adjust to a new environment; it’s a universal phenomenon. So allow them and yourself some time and space.

 

Focus on the Common Goal

It is essential to ask yourself the purpose of getting married again and giving yourself another shot at marital bliss. There is a high likelihood that you are tying the knot to seek companionship, happiness and the opportunity to live among people who would love you and take care of you. Guess what? Your new spouse and your stepchild want the same thing. Past experiences might make you a little more defensive and cautious. Well, the same applies to your new spouse and stepchild. Just remembering this fact will help you.

 

Bank on the similarities

There are more similarities between you and your stepchild than you can imagine, these similarities need to be explored and worked on. Take inputs from your partner on what the child LOVES. If they are foodies, propose a family-outing to a restaurant that serves their favorite cuisine. If they love cricket, book IPL tickets. Basically, find things the stepchildren love and create opportunities where you can share that passion with them. It will go a long way in creating happy memories and stronger bonding between you and the stepchildren.

 

Prove your mettle

The stepchild will not regard you as a parent, may not consider you as an authority immediately but that does not mean he or she cannot be influenced, persuaded or guided. We love to trust smart, strong and well-meaning people, so all you have to gradually do is show your stepchild that you can handle pressure, solve problems and care for the welfare of the family.

 

Do to others what you would like to be done to you

We all make this mistake of subconsciously expecting that other people should change to accommodate you so that your life remains reasonably comfortable. And that is not a fair expectation to have. But when you do something for other people, people want to return the favour. So simply be nice to your new family, do good things for them, remember your step child’s favourite food, hobbies and interest and they will feel pressured to return the favour, to love you back.

 

We all need acceptance

Your stepchild may have some physical or mental challenge, and you may think, ‘Why do I have to deal with this? What did I do to deserve this?’ Here again, you are making the mistake of demanding that nothing unpleasant should ever happen to you, your life should not be inconvenient. Nobody has a life with zero inconveniences. You are going to have hassles in your life whether you remarry or not, whether you have stepchildren or not. So DECIDE to accept and love the stepchildren as they are. You need to be the bigger person in the equation and take the first step forward.

Someone awesome once said, “We aren’t “step”, we aren’t “half”, we’re just family.” Hopefully, with a little courage and a lot of love, you too will be able to say that about your beautiful family

8 comments

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8 comments on “7 Simple ways to bond better with your stepchild”

  1. Amazing perspective and so precise! An extremely helpful lens to adapt and maximise human interrelations!

  2. Very true, Mayurika. Nothing should be forced on the step child. Just keep good & right things. Every situation can be handled correctly.

  3. Mam

    This article is really an eyeopener for those who are going to remarry and who are going to take responsibility of step children after their remarriage.

    It is also educative to others who are not going to remarry and also they are susceptible to the issues and bonding between father and step child

    This Article breaks the Myths which are ages imbibed in our mind ,cultivated in our mind about bonding and relationship between a new father and his new stepchildren .

    Indian person psyche and mentality is deeply rooted in his upbringing.His mind is conditioned from childhood .when he is a child he is told by his mother that if she dies his dad will remarry and then he will be illtreated by his stepmother .

    If a man dies its very rare that a woman remarries .
    If both man and woman take divorce in our society mostly the most crucial issue is concerning the child.The child has to undergo through this trauma of separation of his mother and father snd this affects his personality and many things gets conditioned in his mind by the society at large .For eg. His relatives,his Peers and others which have a very bad impression and impact on his mind and body which eventually culminates into depression and other mental disorders at an early age.

    This Article is self explanatory and it covers everything i mean every minute thing in detail but in a lucid with full clarity of thoughts.Its concise and really Mam three cheers to you for writing such a beautiful article on such a complex and complicated topic as of now in present situation.

    This Article will work as guiding,Motivating force and make them well educated and well informed to those who are going to remarry and have to deal with stepchildren .

    Kudos to you .I salute you for this wonderful article written by you .

    Really Hats off

    Pls keep writing on complex issues prevailing in our society.

    Regards
    Mohsin Baig

  4. This is very helpful even for a single parent like me to make healthy bonding with my two daughters. Very nicely written and helpful for society. Keep writing, all the best .🙏💐

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